This is to all the women who married in their twenties, thinking they knew everything about life there was to know. Whether they felt deeply in love or simply assumed marriage was the next logical step to take, now years later, they aren’t so sure.
When I found myself, a Christian with strong morals, values and dreams, separated a mere three years after my church wedding, I didn’t know what to do. He’d packed up and moved out. I felt helpless to change the situation. My new state of being was mortifying, embarrassing, and traumatic.
I kept the separation a secret for as long as I could. I told one sister and a girlfriend. I told no employers or work mates. Eventually, my father found out. The reactions were all the same. They could shake their head in disgust and clack their tongue. They could listen, but none could offer advice. It was my heart at risk. I didn’t want any “I told you so” people speaking up. The problem of what to do was mine to figure out.
I know many women have dealt with worse situations than I faced. How we process events depends on so many things: A woman’s personality, her upbringing, her support network or lack of one, her values, her morals, and her faith.
I was a sensitive woman with strong convictions. The events of what happened next cut me to the core. I wasn’t prepared to deal with my first husband’s dysfunction. Being separated was not something I saw coming. Yet mine was not a good marriage. From the honeymoon, I knew I was in trouble. Once he left, you’d think I’d be relieved. But I had a lot of hurdles to overcome.
My story dates back to the 1980s; a time when not many Christians got divorced-at least no Christians I knew. There was no Internet and few resources available. The church was far behind in knowing how to deal with an ever-increasing issue. So I floundered.
I don’t know if hanging on trying to work out a broken relationship for so long with Randy was God’s ultimate plan. I doubt God demands Christian women open themselves to toxic men who mistreat them and play games with them. But many women do hang on. They resist the dissolution of their marriage. For some, things may work out. For others, like me, hanging on only brough more trauma-trauma that would rear its head years later when my own daughter was about to marry.
Please read my story “No More Games: When Christian Faith and Marriage Collide – a Memoir” available from Amazon.